Laura from The Clear Space…
This is a BIG one, isn’t it?
Self compassion can be a struggle for a lot of us and so many aspects of wedding planning can bring up feelings that tap into the way we feel about ourselves.
Lots of aspects of the wedding day itself can feel daunting because they also feed into this. Being the centre of attention all day, being photographed, and even having to defend and justify your wedding decisions to well meaning family members can push our buttons and leave us feeling a bit vulnerable.
We’re talking about self compassion today, and how this can help us to be more resilient. Self-esteem and self-love are beautiful ideas to aim for, but in reality a lot of us don’t actually find it that easy to love ourselves. Offering ourselves compassion can feel easier, and researcher Dr Kristin Neff¹ says that self-compassion has three main components:
Self-kindness Vs self-judgment
Connection with others Vs isolation
Mindfulness vs over-identification
Here are some ways that you connect with these three components of self-compassion.
Keep an eye on your self talk
Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Are you regularly berating yourself, calling yourself names, or worse? We wouldn’t dream of speaking to someone we love using the language we use to speak to ourselves. See how many instances of negative self-talk you notice.
Reframe
One you’re in the habit of noticing negative self-talk, see if you can reframe what you’re saying. Think about what you’d say to someone you love in the same circumstances. Say you break something, for example. “I’m so clumsy” might become “accidents happen and I didn’t do this on purpose”.
Be prepared
If there are parts of your wedding that are likely to challenge your ability to be compassionate and kind to yourself, do some forward planning. As an example, many of us don’t love looking at photos of ourselves. A great way to prepare for this is to spend some time looking at a whole bunch of pictures of yourself from all angles, so you get used to seeing yourself.
Your wedding doesn’t have to be perfect…
…and nor do you. If you can let go of perfectionism, that helps you to be more compassionate towards yourself. Perfection doesn’t exist, and where we see it in others it’s a curated version that’s not real. As they say, don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
Notice good things
We can train our brains to be more focussed on positivity by taking time each day to reflect on our positive experiences. A gratitude journal is a great way of doing this. Spend some time each day reflecting good experiences, and things you’re grateful for.
Be intentional
Unique Rebels Union is all about couples having a wedding that reflects who they are. If you are intentional about your wedding planning decisions, you’ll know that everything you choose reflects you and your values. Making values based decisions leaves way less room for self doubt.
Do something each day for yourself
It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Treat yourself to a nap, or set aside 15 minutes to sit somewhere in nature. Our days can zip past in a flurry of obligations, but the simple act of intentionally doing something kind for yourself each day sends a message to your brain that you deserve to be looked after.
You might also want to check out my tips in previous posts including avoiding wedding planning burn out, having workable boundaries and managing stress
Quote: How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you – Rupi Kaur
References
- Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, and Well-Being Kristin D. Neff
Huge thank you to Laura for her guest post – Please go give her a follow here
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